EPISODE 1

By Jansen Bagwell · The Dirt Road · Episode 1

Have you ever felt like you were walking through life completely alone?

I have. And I want to tell you exactly where I discovered I wasn’t.

The Road

I was a junior in high school. Every day after school, I’d rush through my homework, and then I’d walk out the door and onto a dirt road. My closest neighbor lived a quarter mile away. It was just me, some gravel, and a whole lot of quiet.

I didn’t know it yet, but that road was about to become the most important place in my life.

Let me be honest about why I needed it so badly. I never met my biological dad. Not once. My first stepdad was physically and verbally abusive. I still remember it like it happened yesterday. And because of all that hurt, I kept my second stepdad at a distance for years, even though he’s a good man. A really good man. He’s the one who raised me. We have a great relationship now. I was talking to him earlier today, actually. But back then, loneliness had already built a wall, and I didn’t know how to tear it down.

Then my mom died.

There’s something about a mother’s presence in a home. It’s comfort. It’s laughter. It’s a kind of life you don’t notice until it’s gone. I was a junior in high school, and mine was gone.

That’s why the road mattered so much.

What I Found Out There

Here’s what I discovered, one step at a time. I discovered honesty. I started praying out loud, actually, because part of me needed to make sure God could hear me.

Have you ever wondered if He’s really listening?

I did. I was scared, desperate, not at all sure God was paying attention. So I kept praying anyway. I’d walk a mile out, pouring out everything: my fear, my grief, a test I hadn’t studied for, my whole tangled heart. Then I’d stop, and I’d tell the Lord, “Okay, I’ve said my part. Now I’m giving You equal time to speak.” And I’d turn around and walk that same mile home, quiet, listening.

Nothing about my situation had changed on the walk back. My mom was still gone. The test was still Friday. But something in me had.

I discovered a voice. Not a loud one. Not one I could see or always feel. But a small, still voice. One that sounded like encouragement, like mercy, like grace. The kind of voice that makes you wonder, wait, was that me, or was that You?

“I will never leave you or forsake you.”
Hebrews 13:5

I love what that verse says. That’s the Lord speaking directly to you. Not a promise for someday. A promise for right now, wherever your road happens to run.

The Storm

One night, that promise became something I could almost see with my own eyes.

I’d walked further than usual, three miles out, back before phones had flashlights, so I had no light of my own. The sun went down while I was still walking, and Texas gets dark fast. But off in the distance, a massive thunderstorm was building. When the lightning flashed, it lit up those big Texas clouds in pink and blue and purple, so far away I couldn’t even hear the thunder. Just the light.

I turned around and walked home watching that storm the whole way. It lit the road just enough for me to find my footing.

And somewhere in those three miles, two words dropped straight into my heart. Not audible. Not something I could point to and prove. But unmistakable all the same.

Draw near.

I had no idea what that meant. Draw near to what? I’m the kind of guy who’s honest with God, so I said exactly that. And then I remembered something about that storm. The closer you get to the lightning, the louder the thunder gets.

That’s what I wanted. I wanted to get close enough to the Lord that His voice, His love, His grace, got louder and louder in my life.

The Crossroad

But drawing near meant something else too. It meant I started noticing things I’d been dragging with me, things I hadn’t noticed until that moment. Sin works that way. You carry it so long you stop feeling the weight, until suddenly, you do.

I had a choice standing right there on that dirt road. Keep dragging what I was carrying, or set it down and draw near to the light. I wish I could tell you I looked at it and said, “Far be it from me.” I didn’t. Some of what I was holding onto, I wanted to keep. Some of it, I’d have been embarrassed to say out loud.

But I chose the light. Right there, I said it: “Lord, I know what I’ve been dragging. Some of it for years. But I want more of You, and less of me.”

And here’s what I found on the other side of that yes. I wasn’t alone. I never saw anyone else on that road. But the love of Christ met me there anyway.

The Question Worth Asking

So here’s the question this whole show is built around, the one I want to leave with you: how would your life change if you knew, with a hundred percent certainty, that God was never going to leave you? Not maybe. Not probably. Certainly.

Would you carry your fear differently? Would you finally say the thing you’ve been afraid to say to Him? Would you set down what you’ve been dragging?

Your Turn to Walk

Maybe you don’t have a dirt road in Texas. But you have a road. A diagnosis. A marriage that’s strained. A memory you keep circling back to. A question you’ve been too afraid to ask God out loud. Whatever it is, that’s your road.

Would you be willing to bring it to Him right now?

You don’t need the right words. You don’t need to have this figured out. You just need to be honest, the same way I was, walking three miles in the dark with no flashlight, not even sure anyone could hear me. Try saying this: Lord, I’m tired of dragging this. I want to draw near instead. Then take one step, even just one, toward Him instead of away.

That’s what The Dirt Road is about. It’s not a place where we hand out easy answers. It’s a place where we ask the questions worth asking, and we keep walking while we wait for the answers to come.

Some nights, all you get is two words dropped into your heart. Some nights, that’s enough.

He said He will never leave you or forsake you. So keep walking.

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Come back and join me next time on The Dirt Road. Bring your questions. Come ready to be honest. You are not walking this one alone.

You are not on this dirt road alone.

Deuteronomy 31:6

TheDirtRoadwithJansen.com